apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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