Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
