You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
