??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize