no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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