just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
