My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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