Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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