she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
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private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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