I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
home. puking in laundry basket.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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