come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
