Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
