just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
