The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
