If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize