So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
