I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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