Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I can't put those talents on a resume
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize