i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
