we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This is the prime rib incident all over again
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
