apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
