i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
