I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
