false alarm. still invincible.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
