at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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