The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
