I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
