i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
