The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
