If you die in college, do you die in real life?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
