Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
