I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize