is your mom at the bar?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
