I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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