He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
