Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
