what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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