We won't sleep together?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
