her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
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I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
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Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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