My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize