Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She's the barista slut.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
