I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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