After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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