like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
