fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
