We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
