An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
