I should be sponsored by Trojan
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
