You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
