jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
