I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
