I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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