my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
