you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
