You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sorry my hands just texted you
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
