it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
