I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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