that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
