I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
