I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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