i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
