i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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