Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
