I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
