So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
