I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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